In the Company of Elders

Harold Desmarais (May 2008)

In 1969, seven years after graduating from High School. I started University as an adult student. The right wing, reactionary ideas that had been most effectively inculcated through thirteen years of Catholic Schools came under fire. I was astonished to learn that U.S. News and World Report was not the sacred "BIBLE FOR MODERN TIMES" that some of my teachers (nuns & priests) believed. I got involved in Social Movements. First the Grape Boycott to help exploited farm workers, then the Ontario Natives Development Fund to assist Ontario's First Nations and Metis people and then, finally… Gay Liberation to help lesbian and gay people (a community that I was a member of, according to a recent self-admission).

In 1972 I was shocked to find out that a person could be fired because they were queer and they would have no legal recourse to fight back. (Remember John Damien?) I could be evicted from my home if my landlord didn't want to rent to "that kind". I decided to fight to try and change that. Thirty-six years later, I'm proud to say that as a country we have made some great strides forward. I feel that my efforts (in a very small way) helped to make that happen. I recall that when the 14-year old son of a friend questioned me about my Gay Liberation activities by asking me: "Why are you doing this?" my reply was: "So that other people won't have to go through the shit I had to go through." It was an unconscious acknowledgement that I would probably not have biological children but that the next generations of lesbians and gays would, in a sense, be my children. I felt that I owed them something. I had to try and make things better.

The common thread that runs through my memories of the past 36 years of involvement in a variety of lesbian and gay organizations and groups is POVERTY. Every single one of those groups and organizations was CONSTANTLY hard pressed for cash. Where was the money going to come from to pay for the cost of printing and mailing out the newsletter? How do we raise the rent money for the Drop-In Centre? Who will help us get the funds to pay for the telephone counselling line? Volunteers spent the majority of their time and energy in activities to raise money to do the things that were necessary to make a difference. I keenly recall a fund raising dance that Windsor Gay Unity had in the mid-1970's. Countless hours of work had gone into it and the people who showed up had a fabulous time. The dance was a social success but a financial flop. We didn't lose money… we made a profit of exactly five cents, one nickel. At a meeting of the organization the following week, one of the members suggested that we have another dance. I was drained, exhausted and disappointed. In frustration, I reached into my pocket, took out a dime and gave it to the Treasurer. I said; "You have now increased the profit from the last dance by 100%. Don't talk to me about another dance for at least two months." The group did have more dances and they were more profitable. During its existence, Windsor Gay Unity accomplished some valuable community development in a smaller blue-collar city.

When Ric Weiland, who helped launch Microsoft, recently died and left $65 Million to Seattle Pride, I was stunned. My mind was swimming with visions of all of the wonderful programs and activities that would, no doubt, be created to serve the needs of the Washington LGBT communities. An incredible future awaits them.

The Company of Elders probably won't have such a wealthy patron to help us but as an old Swedish proverb says: "The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your arm." That's right, we can do it — we can do it for ourselves. One by one, with each new member who joins the Company and pledges to help, we inch closer to that goal. If you can't find someone with a million dollars, find a million people with one dollar. It will take longer but those people will have an investment in your project and want it to succeed. I am very proud to be an Elder. I have worked for the betterment of my community most of my adult life, I'm glad that my death will be able to continue that tradition.

Harvey Hamburg (May 2008)

When I came out to myself in 1974, and acknowledged the reality of my attraction to men, I was 27 years old. Until that time, I had never talked with anyone who was openly gay.

An early primer which helped me to make sense of how that had happened, of our situation as gay people, was the Gay Liberation pamphlet With Downcast Gays (1974) by Andrew Hodges and David Hutter. It began:

The ultimate success of all forms of oppression is our self-oppression. Self-oppression is achieved when the gay person has adopted and internalised straight people's definition of what is good and bad. So begins the section on self-oppression contained in the London Gay Liberation Front Manifesto. For us it summarised all that was new and important in Gay Liberation — the realisation that inasmuch as we are agents of our own oppression, so we have power to overcome it.

Further on in the pamphlet:

Homosexuals are unlike any other oppressed group in that their identity is almost always invisible to others. They can even conceal their identity from themselves, for such is the disgust attached to the word 'homosexual' that many people who have need of homosexual experience never acknowledge it. and sometimes even those who quite frequently seek out such experience manage to convince themselves that they are not really "one of them". Behind so much that has been expressed in the gay movement lies the awareness that there exist these people who are so oppressed that they have not come out in the first sense of 'admitting' their gay feelings even to themselves. Many are marrried with their children and throughout their lives have been totally denied any sexual pleasure.

We, as a community, have been through a lot. And while we've had some substantial successes, and many L/G/B/T young people are finding themselves able to "be themselves" at earlier ages, I suspect the reality of the closet is still experienced by the vast majority of young gay people. In parts of the world, the oppression is much more intense, and sometimes lethal.

We've had lots of support along the way (my personal thanks to Chris Vogel and Richard North, who were there for me in Winnipeg when I first acknowledged that "I think I might be homosexual"), other gay people have been 'family', and I think we care about what happens to the young 'uns who will follow us. We can choose to accept that responsibility.

BUT, for all our good intentions, we can have trouble being as generous as we'd like to be. Will we have enough money to look after ourselves in old(er) age?

I had a good chuckle on seeing this New Yorker magazine cartoon (see right).

I can identify with all of the depicted characters. Maybe you can as well. In the Company of Elders, we can acknowledge that reality.

Making the pledge, collectively, publicly, and encouraging others to do the same, we'll be able to make a difference.

John Montague (May 2008)

In 1973 I came out to myself. Sexual Orientation was not included in the Ontario Human Rights Code. I vividly remember reading that a successful jockey John Damien was fired by the Ontario Cabinet Minister responsible for the Racing Commission just because he was 'homosexual'. Through the Body Politic newspaper fundraising began to help his defense costs. Since I was in an even more vulnerable job as Director of Social Work in a Childrens' Hospital I was quite anxious that I could lose my job just for who I am, so I donated money to that campaign.

With two gay friends who also held management jobs in Social Services, I lobbied the Ontario Association of Social Workers to include sexual orientation in their Code of Protection against employee discrimination. That took eight years before they would do it. Now they have a banner and march in the Pride Parade.

Ignorance about sexual orientation still exists right here in Canada. As a Catholic I have been concerned my entire adult life with the Church's discrimination against my Catholic gay brothers and lesbian sisters. In 2003 I started an annual retreat for Catholic parents of lesbian daughters and gay sons. 'Seeing With Heart' is the theme, and many parents have been relieved to meet other Catholic parents who like them accept their gay and lesbian children unconditionally. I have put my own money into advertising this event and underwriting the costs. Telling our stories is the best way to educate people about sexual diversity. One dad said a few years ago: "I always wondered why God put me on this earth. I just realized it was so that my three gay sons would have a father that loves them."

Today as a psychotherapist I am privileged to witness people's stories of being criticized by their families for being gay. I walk that same journey which many of us traveled, and help them experience hope through welcoming organizations in the gay community. Resources for networking and recreation are almost unlimited today compared to what I and friends went through in the early 1970's. Yet what an exciting period of history it was to live through. We witnessed so many legal breakthroughs, and softening of attitudes. Gay kids today are still potential victims of bullying at school, and gay bashings go on. As we look around the world we see how our hard won rights are envied by gays in Russia, South America, the Middle East, and Africa etc. There is lots more work to do. We stand with giants like the Sexual Diversity Program at the University of Toronto which is a leader in educating folks that we have a legitimate place in society. We have the 519 Community Centre which reaches out to the poor and mentally disadvantaged. We have "Rainbow" addiction programs at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. All of these ideas originated in people's heads but took money to make a reality. We know the work goes on to speak for inclusion, social justice, creating community, welcoming refugees from homophobic states. I especially want to thank Harvey Hamburg for inviting me to share in this new development of having 'Elders' get behind fundraising for the continued needs of the gay and lesbian community. He is a pioneer in the history of fundraising and awareness in Canadian gay society. I am most especially grateful for the gift of being gay, which has given me not only 'insider information' but a family of gay brothers and lesbian sisters, who are as loving as any people could possibly be. They have taught me not to give up, but to share friendship and generously pass on the Good News: We Are Family.